Updated: Oct 8, 2020
Today, I share with you why you should always try to end things on good terms and how you can do so when the time comes. This is one of the many advices my grandmother gave me.
When I mention "things" I made this intentionally vague because this could apply to various situations in life ranging from:
negotiating job offers
losing an important sports match
disagreements with friends
disputes with team members
breakups in relationships
What is common among these situations? There are two parties involved: you and your counterpart. Of course, there are extreme situations where one party is clearly at fault hence why I phrased the title "try" to end on good terms. What does it mean when things don't work out? It generally means one of the following four things:
Problem on your side
Problem on your counterparts side
External factor that impacts both parties
A combination of the above
The first step is to be clearly aware of this fact. Now let's see why ending on good terms matters.
Why should we try to end things on good terms?
Because you never want to make the other person feel uncomfortable. No matter how hurt you are, or how difficult of a situation you're in, it is important to think about your counterpart. Putting the other person first is never easy. However, I think it will go a long way and so far it has taken me places! Thinking about the other person first also indicates maturity. Not only will you understand yourself but how other people are feeling as well. It's a hard skill to develop and one way we can all do this is by intentionally stopping ourselves to take a step back and think about the other person in our daily interactions with different people! Keep in mind I am still working on this. It's always a marathon, not a sprint :)
How can we try to end things on good terms?
Understand where the other person is truly coming from
Share them your point of view and have a neutral tone
Show Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude
The third point may sound counter-intuitive but from personal experience, this has done wonders for me. Many times it will be very hard to navigate through disagreements but if you show understanding of where your counterpart is coming from, be genuine and show appreciation, things will turn out much better than you would expect and that is exactly how I have ended "things" on good terms. The beauty of this is you never know what comes after.
As an example, there was a time I declined a job offer for personal reasons and I thought that would be it, they would be frustrated and would never get back. Turns out, they understood told me to keep in touch and let them know if I'm ever interested again in the future. Not only did both parties show respect, it was also an amazing feeling to know the interviewers cared about me. At the end of the day, it's all about respecting the relationship and as long as you keep that in mind, things will follow through.
Taka's Tip Top Tips
A simple "thank you" or "I appreciate you" goes a long way. Don't forget that!
Thanks for sticking around! Remember, take baby steps and good things will happen eventually. Be yourself and let's get moving!